Everything can change in a minute...Here is a little glimpe into my life ,

Yes, once upon a time, there was a day when I did not have to worry and wait hand and food on little kids, I was my own person, living my own life. I lived in Albany California with my Mother and her new Husband, for most of my younger days, until, I moved to Berkeley. For those who dont know where Abany is, its right next to Berkeley, its the little step child of the Bay Area, between Richmond, and Oakland and Berkeley---accross from San Francisco. I moved there when I was 9, with my mother, after my parents--split, from eachother and Livermore. It was a very, interesting, place to live especially if, you are middle class, and walk your self to school everyday...past the shops and the stores the homeless and the houses. Every kind of person in the world lived there, if you dont know what that means, read, "you know you live in SF when..", and realize, there are people from every race culture, religion and creed in the area where i lived. Still confused, open a National Geographic, learn ! Its not New York, its not ruined by high rises, and cars and traffic, and unethical business'. Its the opposite, its run by people for people, with brains, and without brains, its not a faceless junk food corporate nation, its a down to earth, buy my fresh food, and hi I am the owner, come on in, kinda place.

Now, once you realize that no one stands out, no one has it any better than anyone else and no one has the right to bug you! You stand a little taller. That was all great, until the day I went to go visit my DAD, who moved to Marin county California, Terra Linda to be exact.The first day, we went there, we met my dads new wife while staying at the, ahem, snooter's Mansion in ROSS, you know millionzzz, pool and we were in Archetechual Digest last month, white fur rugs and solid marble urns house...that was when it dawned on me?
Ummm, yea this is how the other half live. And do they ever...while I visited a friend, they said, see that house next door, thats this guy, he makes movies his name is George LUCAS...we all said, ok.. Then Star Wars came out, and we thought, HE made that movie. He also owns a little Ranch over in LUCAS VALLEY, and then it really dawns on you--- DAMN, I am stone broke kid..this sucks.

At the cross roads of life, you look both ways, and you make a choice.
DO I live my life for this or that? What is this, and what is that?



You try to gain the most skills and knowledge from the people and places you can. You weigh the good and the bad; Berkeley, lots of freedom, great educational schools, wear what ever you want, and eat for cheap, thats good. But that comes with, crappy peeing in the street, stinky homeless bums, that if they arent begging for money they are barfing, and crazy gangs and crime...that's bad.OK now, Marin, no bums, no crazy gangs, quiet streets, and lots of well dressed people and nice places to play and see, thats good. But, if you dont drive a Mercedes or a BMW, you are scum of the earth, everyone somehow knows how much money you and your parents make, by looking at your socks and shoes, and there are no street people because the roads are long and windy places to expensive houses, and no one will even see a dirty homeless person even he was dead, driving 70 mph down the neighborhoods. The adults party like frat children, the kids can say IZOD is before they can walk, and drive their parents last year BMR by 14 and a half. The best part of Marin, rich people, dont work and there are jobs for any half baked kid! Because no one needs a job in Marin, except collegiate teenagers. Oh did I mention the amazing thrift stores and restaurants, and beaches and stellar views great weather and historical monuments?~ you can never see it all..

Far FAR FAR away, from this world I was in, is REDDING CALIFORNIA> I shudder to think what it was like here in the 70's and 8o's. I one street dirt road, with shuffling farmers, digging in the dusty dirt trying to make something grow. A few old cars, here and there, and nothing but a JC Penny's and a Sears. Food in Redding consisted of a discount grocery store, and Mc Donalds, and Taco Bell. The biggest improvement was the KMART, and LONGS Drugs, down by the freeway. one pizza Hut, and a few cheap motels. Car lots and some fishing gear stores. Not much else, except the schools, and even that wasnt a choice. No BMRS, no happy chinese markets, or STRAU PLAZA, or three story College LIbraries, no movie moguls, or beaches, No Seminaries, Labratories, or Rose Gardens... A dust bowl.

How can I expect the children who evolved in this town to be able to teach my kids how to behave like understanding, intelligent people, when in fact this is a petri dish for rednecks and jail birds. Only the police make more money than the City Officials here, not the discount shops, not the educated, and few professionals will admit to making what the common household makes in the bay area, the knowledge is, because the houeses are worth very little so are the people. The teens grow sullen and break into easy to identify classes, stupid, and not allowed to be stupid, runaway or rude. Super conservative religious, or freaky stanked out faux hippie, costumed, and cartooned with Terrible Tats. Each child effecting the value of the household, each life effectively creating a value of its own kind right here. But what does this Redding Future hold? this Town, still so young and evolving, without any--clear culture beyond, what anyone sees in the poorly-reported paper or on the TV or internet. Is it looking to other cities for help? CHICO, or MEDFORD? Does this town have a claim to fame, beyond a dried up Lake and a toxic dumping ground? If I look I see fast food, I see houses for sale, I see business' empty, and streets littered with corporate greed, and very few truly happy middle class people.

What value does the middle class have anywhere but Redding? Can you pick them out in a crowd? Do they have easy to see places to be, or is the visible culture, cleary labled, unemployed or professional. Minimum wage earner or manager, and college student or


Does a price tag add value? Take the example of the company CORDON NEGRO, vs. Gloria Ferrar, both from the same company, both the same grapes, both the largest chapagne makers in the world. But one costs less, and the other, costs more. Exactly the same, the owner, Jose Ferrar, said, in fact that the bottles that were cheaper, did not sell because people thought they tasted different, but in fact they were the same, and he only changed the label. TRUE STORY! to this day, you wont find his wine under a certain price because, he knows, people dont think its any good.

Thats wine, lets pose another question? Do people generally collect in places where money is? Does money attract people? Do you like to see, a nice car vs. an old dented car? If you wear expensive clothes, and shoes and purses and jeans, do you feel better? DO people treat you different? YES YES YES YES
because even if your taste is not --in conventional styles, it is far more expensivce to be non - conventional! The expense of being in style is endless, and that does not account for the staples in life, food, and housing and education.

Does a degree from Harvard, or Standford or Berkeley show better than one from SHASTA JR COLLEGE? or DVC? Sure does, and reality is, no one without money goes anywhere...its like water or air, you cannot live without it. Does money make you smart? Does money make you happy or loved? Can it make you beautiful or healthy? Can you fix everything with money?

NO NO NO NO NONO NO!! I once knew a very rich, very famous, Musician and he said, to me, I have all the money in the world, and I cannot help my children.
No money can help them, one is mentally retarded and one does drugs, I cannot throw money at them and make it better, no matter how much I have. Nothing can change things, only time can. That was a pivotal moment!

Time has a way of changing everything --people and thier causes, value and the cost of living, and age and all that responsibilty it brings. But nothing can change time, it is forever, pain does not stop it, and success or failure cannnot stop it either. The bell tolls for everyone someday, in all my life I have seen and heard amazing things, I can write stories of life and the miracles that I have seen. I still struggle to keep my faith in myself, but always know there are Angels that guide..., I still battle the daily life issues, and I still observe and try to learn each day. I can not know how to do something the first time, or even the second, I just cant, I have to try and learn, and hope that it is ok. I have turned my life around many times, and GOD has turned me upside down and inside out many times, I am a fool and a teacher, I am a mother and child, I am human. I have lost great loves and I have loved so great I can never ask for more. I am grateful for the best of my memories and the rest still linger. I wish only for love...

Goodbye to youth, good bye to time good bye to all the past, I guess that we'll meet in the end.